A new beginning. Bismillah.

Dear tim,

Let have a sincere talk.

Dont ruin yourself sayang. Dont do something that might harm yourself. Do you know how much you have done to get here? Never throw yourself away because of someone. Dont stop believing in yourself just becaause things get tough. It's supposed to be tough. That's what make your life worth living.

Listen to God. Listen very well to God. Kalau Dia tak bagi, ada sebab dia. Ada kebaikan utk hg. "sami'na waataqna". Pray a lot, worship a lot. Allah loves young ones that spend his youth in the way of Allah, in worship.

Tim, you have to outgrow everything. you have to be stronger than your obstacles. and more important of all, LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES.

takpa you are a human being, you make mistake. you are weak. Allah already told so. But, He is there for you. Turn to Him, every time, every moment. He is always there for you. Don't give up on His mercy sayang.

Learn from your mistakes. Get your priorities right, make your parents happy, this is your only goal until you finish medical school and get your MD. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER TIMMYYYYYYYYYY! no time for play and mistakes. get your schedule right. jangan buang masa. it wont come back. dont fall in love. it's not necessary, it will just ruin you. What's done is done andd enough okay? Dont fall back into this black hole again.

until then, all the best Dr. Siti ! InsyaAllah.
and good luck for your clinical years. Study hard k? HasbunAllah Wa Nee'mal wakeel :)

RISE AND LIVE YOUR LIFE

Tim, go and encounter things okay? I mean like face them dude! what the hell you are running away from ? Running away won't solve anything, it just make things even worse. DO what need to be DONE. Feelings are both blessing and curse at the same time, depending on how you use them. Overthinking ruins and produce shits. It just create things that are not even there. Stop. Rejuvenate. DO things right. You know complaining and thinking and imagining arent going to change anything. DOING THINGS changes things. EFFORTS AND HOPE AND COURAGE changes things. You dont like things that goes merry go round, then RISE UP AND DO SOMETHING!

REMINDER FOR TIM. MY DREAM.

Yesterday Allah made me found a very nice woman. somehow having her colon removed and having to pass feces outside. and need a lot of money for the treatment, like each time. Having said that, pernah had a heart attack so make her unable to undergo surgery to make her condition better. You know after all she was just seeking for money. How hard would it be, to be asking people for money, just to end your pain? Allahu, how ungrateful I had been. Oh Allah, forgive me.'

Cubalah bayangkan if I was able, I can just pay for all her treatment. How happy would it be for her, for me? The ability to end someone suffering and make their life all better. Isn't that what you are working for, Fatimah? How can you give, when you don't even have? How can you help, when you don't even know? I feel bad honestly. I shouldn't waste this opportunity Allah's had given me. Jangan pentingkan diri tim. Jangan ikut emosi. Jangan.

BELAJAQ SUNGGUH-SUNGGUH. MASIH ADA HARAPAN. MASIH ADA PELUANG. YOU CAN DO THIS, WITH HIS HELP AND GUIDANCE INSYAALLAH. STUDY STUDY! SEMANGAT. FIGHT!! INSYAALLAH BOLEHHHHHH.

MOGA ALLAH PERMUDAHKAN JALAN SEORANG FATIMAH UTK JADI DOKTOR YG MAKE A CHANGE IN SOCIETY, YG AKAN ANGKAT BALIK NAMA ISLAM. AAMIIN...

My July, My Reborn 21.

Dear Allah, I'm not asking due to my efforts nor my capabilities or how much I don't deserve it. but I'm asking due to Your capabilities of giving. Your Rahman that you gives, gives a lot even to your disbelieving slaves. Indeed I'm in need of any good from You.

Perhaps it's my fault, no not perhaps, it's totally my fault that all this had become like this. I let myself to be succumbed to the situation. I gives up. I  believe that I can't. I believe all the negative things about myself. Because I forgot the hope that You prepared for your slaves. I was too weak. Even tears had become my best friend that I was going through everyday hell with it.

Thus today, came my fav month : July, I had decided to reborn. Whatever it's I'm going to change. Help me persevere dear Allah..

Let me do it solely for Your sake, and I do not mind if I die trying. just help me please dear Allah.


- With full hope : Your ever-needing-of-her-Lord slave. <3

Hye New Timmy!

Let me cry out my heart here.

Today I did a stupid thing. a VERY VERY VERY stupid thing I would say. And I'm hating myself now for doing it.

Lately I'm having crisis. Crisis about people. How everyone changes. Everyone is just not the same anymore. Idk whom to be blame. The pain is real. dah sakit hati sangat. dah penat sangat. Just I don't care. I just don't care anymore. I jumped into the same black hole again. But this time I'm not gonna back down. Therefore..

I've decided to change. I don't want to care anymore. The only people I want to fight for is the ones that fight for me. That's it. I said enough.

I gotta set my track back. I'm gotta start again.

therefore I'm marching on.

Goodbye people from past. Thank you and sorry for everything.

Crush that crashed. *Hopefully*

 Bismillah.


Okay, I like this one namja (man). It's almost 4 years I've been liking him. And it's like one miracle for me. Because I'm the kind of person that I can't like something for a long time. It's like seasons :P Sometimes I like this, then I won't like that anymore.

Even if an actor or something, susah ah nak suka lama2. But this one person had been killing me for almost 4 years now. My kryptonite. And lately, I just can't stop thinking about him. Semua status insta,wasepp suma nak cakap pasal dia jaa. Dok pikiaq pasai kawen suma siap. *Istighfar*

Pastu aku rasa over sangat. and I should stop. So aku pon dok kata macam2 kat diri sendiri. "hang tutt tuut tuut. hg tak layak utk dia. blah blah yadda yadda ect ect" But I don't know why, diri sendiri mcm tak paham suma tuu. macam tak heran suma tu. tak peduli. tak kesah. Dok stalk tak kira, buka wasepp and write "I missed you" and delete it back. stalk dia, a girl he like.  a girl that like him. I can say that I was crazy then.

Until today arrived, and I went out with a good friend of mine. Then aku rasa macam "Crush aku mesti suka orang macam ni."  She is lovely, and have a very kind and good heart. Then baru aku rasa, "Aku sapa nak kawen dengan laki macam dia?" Very insecure. so tak jadi ah suka kat dia. *Hopefully* and pastu terus rasa taknak ah kawen. I rather stay in a house with 20 cats ........ no I don't like cats. With 20 bunnies. OVER. tapi aku dah biasa hidup depend kat orang kot. Macam impossible ja aku boleh hidup sorang2. It's okay. Allah knows the best. Smile :)

A happy dream makes your life more miserable when you wake up. - Man From Another Star.

To My Future Children.

Bismillah.

Pergh tajuk macam dah kawen and dah prepare nak ada anak. No I'm not. :P or maybe I'm married without anyone knowing kat Siam? Lols.

No no. I had never got out from my motherland.

So back to the title. Why for my future children ? Why talking about children ? Because one person that I adore, Who should not be named (Voldemort?) haha. *okayy Aiman Azlan followers know that joke* He said something like if you are ready to get married, be ready to become a parent. Not just a husband and wife. Always look beyond.

So now I don't know whether I'm ready to become a wife, but for sure I'm not ready to become a MUM ! So what I'm saying is basically from what I'm seeing what other parent is doing. How they're parenting.

Okay I'm not gonna comment on other people parenting. And I should not do that. So I just wanna write what I'm gonna say to my children.

Dear my lovely children, I'm your sweet mum. *Oh seronoknya cakap macam ni.haha*

When you're a baby, I had many sleepless night. Just to make sure you had a goodnight sleep. I had spend a lot of money, so that you get all the nutrients and comfort you need. And the day you're born, all my desires had become number 2. Your desires and wants is the number one now. As you grow up, you made a lot of mistakes. It's okay as long as you know how to respond correctly to your mistakes. Know that you have to say sorry and correct  your mistakes. And I'm going to get mad at you every time you make the mistake. *I'm a mum you see, only your dad gonna keep cool and steady saying it's okay yadda yadda that you're going to hug your dad,crying when you made the mistake. But in the end you are going to run after me,hug me tight and say I'm sorry mum. And looking at your cute eyes that you got from my DNA( :P), I'll forgive you* (Ok that's just so cute :P ) And even when I throw a tantrum at you, bear me sayang, your mum is just a human being. I'll try my best to train patience before I get married and have you, but, I also do mistakes. 

Then as you grow up, people are going to start ask what you're going to be when you're grown up. No sayang, I don't want you to be a doctor nor engineer. Just because people said you're intelligent if you're a doctor or engineer. Or they will say "Banyak duit tau jadi doktot jurutera ni". Hear me baby, It's okay even if you become a mechanic pun, as long as there is where your passion is. I want you to do what you love. Not what people say what you should do. It's your life. 

And As you grow up you will learn about WIN and LOSE. And you will realise that VICTORY is such a PLEASURE and LOSING is HEART-WRECKING. And you gonna give up everytime you start losing. AND please ask me " Mum,it is okay if I lose?". Oh sayang, I just want you to try. Even if you lose, you're still a WINNER for me because you TRIED. That's it. You're still my HERO/HEROIN. If you study, study with all your <3 , play with all your <3, Love with all your <3. that's enough bucukk. 

And when you entered school, You gonna start with being the first in class, getting all A's blah blah blah. There is just one thing I will say : " Do your best. The very best of you. And leave the rest to Allah."


Okay takat ni jaa ummi nak cakap. Yang lain tanya Abi. *AMBOIIII TIM*

K I'm out sebelum merapu lebih2. Assalamualaikum peeps ^_^