Crush that crashed. *Hopefully*

 Bismillah.


Okay, I like this one namja (man). It's almost 4 years I've been liking him. And it's like one miracle for me. Because I'm the kind of person that I can't like something for a long time. It's like seasons :P Sometimes I like this, then I won't like that anymore.

Even if an actor or something, susah ah nak suka lama2. But this one person had been killing me for almost 4 years now. My kryptonite. And lately, I just can't stop thinking about him. Semua status insta,wasepp suma nak cakap pasal dia jaa. Dok pikiaq pasai kawen suma siap. *Istighfar*

Pastu aku rasa over sangat. and I should stop. So aku pon dok kata macam2 kat diri sendiri. "hang tutt tuut tuut. hg tak layak utk dia. blah blah yadda yadda ect ect" But I don't know why, diri sendiri mcm tak paham suma tuu. macam tak heran suma tu. tak peduli. tak kesah. Dok stalk tak kira, buka wasepp and write "I missed you" and delete it back. stalk dia, a girl he like.  a girl that like him. I can say that I was crazy then.

Until today arrived, and I went out with a good friend of mine. Then aku rasa macam "Crush aku mesti suka orang macam ni."  She is lovely, and have a very kind and good heart. Then baru aku rasa, "Aku sapa nak kawen dengan laki macam dia?" Very insecure. so tak jadi ah suka kat dia. *Hopefully* and pastu terus rasa taknak ah kawen. I rather stay in a house with 20 cats ........ no I don't like cats. With 20 bunnies. OVER. tapi aku dah biasa hidup depend kat orang kot. Macam impossible ja aku boleh hidup sorang2. It's okay. Allah knows the best. Smile :)

A happy dream makes your life more miserable when you wake up. - Man From Another Star.

To My Future Children.

Bismillah.

Pergh tajuk macam dah kawen and dah prepare nak ada anak. No I'm not. :P or maybe I'm married without anyone knowing kat Siam? Lols.

No no. I had never got out from my motherland.

So back to the title. Why for my future children ? Why talking about children ? Because one person that I adore, Who should not be named (Voldemort?) haha. *okayy Aiman Azlan followers know that joke* He said something like if you are ready to get married, be ready to become a parent. Not just a husband and wife. Always look beyond.

So now I don't know whether I'm ready to become a wife, but for sure I'm not ready to become a MUM ! So what I'm saying is basically from what I'm seeing what other parent is doing. How they're parenting.

Okay I'm not gonna comment on other people parenting. And I should not do that. So I just wanna write what I'm gonna say to my children.

Dear my lovely children, I'm your sweet mum. *Oh seronoknya cakap macam ni.haha*

When you're a baby, I had many sleepless night. Just to make sure you had a goodnight sleep. I had spend a lot of money, so that you get all the nutrients and comfort you need. And the day you're born, all my desires had become number 2. Your desires and wants is the number one now. As you grow up, you made a lot of mistakes. It's okay as long as you know how to respond correctly to your mistakes. Know that you have to say sorry and correct  your mistakes. And I'm going to get mad at you every time you make the mistake. *I'm a mum you see, only your dad gonna keep cool and steady saying it's okay yadda yadda that you're going to hug your dad,crying when you made the mistake. But in the end you are going to run after me,hug me tight and say I'm sorry mum. And looking at your cute eyes that you got from my DNA( :P), I'll forgive you* (Ok that's just so cute :P ) And even when I throw a tantrum at you, bear me sayang, your mum is just a human being. I'll try my best to train patience before I get married and have you, but, I also do mistakes. 

Then as you grow up, people are going to start ask what you're going to be when you're grown up. No sayang, I don't want you to be a doctor nor engineer. Just because people said you're intelligent if you're a doctor or engineer. Or they will say "Banyak duit tau jadi doktot jurutera ni". Hear me baby, It's okay even if you become a mechanic pun, as long as there is where your passion is. I want you to do what you love. Not what people say what you should do. It's your life. 

And As you grow up you will learn about WIN and LOSE. And you will realise that VICTORY is such a PLEASURE and LOSING is HEART-WRECKING. And you gonna give up everytime you start losing. AND please ask me " Mum,it is okay if I lose?". Oh sayang, I just want you to try. Even if you lose, you're still a WINNER for me because you TRIED. That's it. You're still my HERO/HEROIN. If you study, study with all your <3 , play with all your <3, Love with all your <3. that's enough bucukk. 

And when you entered school, You gonna start with being the first in class, getting all A's blah blah blah. There is just one thing I will say : " Do your best. The very best of you. And leave the rest to Allah."


Okay takat ni jaa ummi nak cakap. Yang lain tanya Abi. *AMBOIIII TIM*

K I'm out sebelum merapu lebih2. Assalamualaikum peeps ^_^

Learn everywhere !

Assalamualaikum.

yahh this time I want to write about L E A R N I N G ~
learning don't only happen in school or tuition classes. You can learn everywhere, from everybody, as long as you want to ;)

So this time what I've learnt is about rezeki. Most of us would thought that when we talk about rzeki, it's mean our duit gaji from our work. this one incident really broaden my point of view about rzeki!

One day, one of my boss' worker had a so-called fight with the boss. so then he start to nag about our boss. But what He said really errr, enchanted me ? lols :P

He : " saya tarak takut sama sapa pun ats dunia. sy takut sama Tuhan saja. Rezeki sy Allah yg bagi, bkn boss. Sy kerja dgn boss and dy bg gaji, itu saja."

And aku mcm, WOW :O  ok He is from Bangladesh and it's my first time to see a foreign worker that is pious(from my observation, only Allah knows the truth.May Allah keep guiding Him."

See  this one situation, you are hungry. You have no money to buy even a 70 cent Gardenia bread. Then you went to this one friend, nak pinjam duit. But sampai ja kat dia, dia terus cakap :"Babe, ada nasi lebih ah. Leman ni taknak makan pulak. Amek ah kat kau". PERNAH JADI mcm ni ? You want something. But you wasn't able to have it. But then someone came and give it to you, for FREE? Itu rezeki my dear. It is from Allah, org tu pengantar ja.. And even it's not something that you want, but it is useful for you, it's still a rezeki. Ilmu, barang, kawan, sahabat, mak ayah, keluarga, semua rezeki. SubhanAllah. Tapi kita, ok, aku. sebagai hamba, tak sedar pon semua ni kan. Rasa mcm everything is normal. Tak betul2 rasa everything is from Allah *forgive me ya Allah*


Malu ah dengan abam Bangladesh tuu. but still, he thought me something. Thank you. *even I know you will never ever read this post,or maybe if I'm lucky, you will :P * May Allah bless you..

Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menetapkan kamu (dan memberi kuasa) di bumi, dan Kami jadikan untuk kamu padanya (berbagai jalan) penghidupan (supaya kamu bersyukur, tetapi) amatlah sedikit kamu bersyukur. (7:10)


~SF94=)

I Survived.

Bismillah.

Okayy that tajuk agak, WOW jugak(perasan).

I survived. I survived from what? An accident? A ship-wrecked ? A police haunting? nope. The truth is I felt like I survived from DEATH. from APOCALYPSE. and please usha that I wrote I FELT, which means it's just an EXAGGERATED expression of what I felt, not really I faced death.

Of course it's exaggerated, mengada-ngada, over and all blablabla that can be used.

When was the so called "APOCALYPSE"? It was during the study week for the first final of my MD degree. When I faced the so-called "DEATH"? Everyday during the study week and examination week. Me myself can't believe that I survived. Every night before sleep, I would feel like "There is no tomorrow for you. You cant handle this anymore. You can't face this hardship anymore. It's beyond you. You're dead." And the whole week, I don't feel like I'm alive. I was heartless, clueless, and just a lil bit to turn crazy.

Oh God I can't describe how it was. Sumpah tak pernah mental breakdown hampir setiap hari. Sikit2 call parent. tapi tulah. dah cakap tu lega sikit. tapi sat jalah. tak istiqamah langsung. Tara tu punya tak kuat, tak mampu. Memang sakit ah. Aku sorg2 kat situ. No one for me. No jiran. No really trustable/dependable friend. sangat berbeza dengan matrik. At least kat SAKBA pon aku bleh terima lagi. Hampir everyday aku akan pikiaq, awatlah aku jadi mcm ni.

And sekarang aku balik cuti, orang dok tanya macam mana belajaq, aku jadi speechless. taktau nak jawab apa. Medic weh MEDIC. sekarang sumpah paham awat org cakap medic susah. Sebelum ni kalau dengaq orang cakap medic susah, mesti rasa mcm "alaaa, susah mcm hg study bio, banyak nama banyak process." TAK WEHHHH. susah medic ni lain weh. takleh describe susah dia. Sumpah rasa macam Albert Einstein study medic ni. (genius katenye). So dia terus rasa nak tabik spring kat suma doktor2 and medical2 student yg ada dalam dunia ni. pergh. You guys sacrificed a lot. like damn A LOT.

Serius ah, time study week, tak kira besaq mana impian hg, sebesaq mana cita2 hg, suma tu tak mampu beri kekuatan utk hg teruskan perjuangan. even harapan mak ayah yg bergunung2 tu pun hanya bagi sedikit kekuatan ja. At last aku hanya mampu cakap :

  "Untuk Allah, teruskan. Untuk Dia. Just hold on, for Him. Just try for Him. He's watching. Dia nampak suma ni. Dia tau betapa sakitnya hg. Dia akan balas semua kesusahan ni dengan kesenangan. Teruskan." 

That was some of my words I used to keep holding on during the study week and finals. Sekarang dah habis exam, result plak yg dok menyeksa. haihhh, hanya mampu bertawakkal and bersangka baik dengan Allah. 

But the best thing is, aku belajaq banyak benda dekat UKM ni. So holidays ni aku kena guna to improve myself. To think about whatever I had learnt and how I'm going to imply them in my life. 

And just by the way, sapa2 yang berminat tahap nak mati nak amek medic, mohon perkasakan BI anda. because medic is where you are going to start learning the medical term (for sure in English), and the high standard( Hard vocabularies) English in your questions and reference books. Aku mula2 pandang enteng jugakk kat English, konon2 aku belajaq medic dalam Malaysia ja kan. Sekali pi sana, pergh teruk jugak BI aku rupanya. Memang kena improve sangat2. You can't use the layman terms you see -.- 

Lotsa <3 ,

From the heart of a SURVIVED MEDICAL STUDENT.