I Survived.

Bismillah.

Okayy that tajuk agak, WOW jugak(perasan).

I survived. I survived from what? An accident? A ship-wrecked ? A police haunting? nope. The truth is I felt like I survived from DEATH. from APOCALYPSE. and please usha that I wrote I FELT, which means it's just an EXAGGERATED expression of what I felt, not really I faced death.

Of course it's exaggerated, mengada-ngada, over and all blablabla that can be used.

When was the so called "APOCALYPSE"? It was during the study week for the first final of my MD degree. When I faced the so-called "DEATH"? Everyday during the study week and examination week. Me myself can't believe that I survived. Every night before sleep, I would feel like "There is no tomorrow for you. You cant handle this anymore. You can't face this hardship anymore. It's beyond you. You're dead." And the whole week, I don't feel like I'm alive. I was heartless, clueless, and just a lil bit to turn crazy.

Oh God I can't describe how it was. Sumpah tak pernah mental breakdown hampir setiap hari. Sikit2 call parent. tapi tulah. dah cakap tu lega sikit. tapi sat jalah. tak istiqamah langsung. Tara tu punya tak kuat, tak mampu. Memang sakit ah. Aku sorg2 kat situ. No one for me. No jiran. No really trustable/dependable friend. sangat berbeza dengan matrik. At least kat SAKBA pon aku bleh terima lagi. Hampir everyday aku akan pikiaq, awatlah aku jadi mcm ni.

And sekarang aku balik cuti, orang dok tanya macam mana belajaq, aku jadi speechless. taktau nak jawab apa. Medic weh MEDIC. sekarang sumpah paham awat org cakap medic susah. Sebelum ni kalau dengaq orang cakap medic susah, mesti rasa mcm "alaaa, susah mcm hg study bio, banyak nama banyak process." TAK WEHHHH. susah medic ni lain weh. takleh describe susah dia. Sumpah rasa macam Albert Einstein study medic ni. (genius katenye). So dia terus rasa nak tabik spring kat suma doktor2 and medical2 student yg ada dalam dunia ni. pergh. You guys sacrificed a lot. like damn A LOT.

Serius ah, time study week, tak kira besaq mana impian hg, sebesaq mana cita2 hg, suma tu tak mampu beri kekuatan utk hg teruskan perjuangan. even harapan mak ayah yg bergunung2 tu pun hanya bagi sedikit kekuatan ja. At last aku hanya mampu cakap :

  "Untuk Allah, teruskan. Untuk Dia. Just hold on, for Him. Just try for Him. He's watching. Dia nampak suma ni. Dia tau betapa sakitnya hg. Dia akan balas semua kesusahan ni dengan kesenangan. Teruskan." 

That was some of my words I used to keep holding on during the study week and finals. Sekarang dah habis exam, result plak yg dok menyeksa. haihhh, hanya mampu bertawakkal and bersangka baik dengan Allah. 

But the best thing is, aku belajaq banyak benda dekat UKM ni. So holidays ni aku kena guna to improve myself. To think about whatever I had learnt and how I'm going to imply them in my life. 

And just by the way, sapa2 yang berminat tahap nak mati nak amek medic, mohon perkasakan BI anda. because medic is where you are going to start learning the medical term (for sure in English), and the high standard( Hard vocabularies) English in your questions and reference books. Aku mula2 pandang enteng jugakk kat English, konon2 aku belajaq medic dalam Malaysia ja kan. Sekali pi sana, pergh teruk jugak BI aku rupanya. Memang kena improve sangat2. You can't use the layman terms you see -.- 

Lotsa <3 ,

From the heart of a SURVIVED MEDICAL STUDENT.